A week ago, I promised myself I would try and not let my fucking depression control my sleeping, and how I feel at night, for the whole week. Well, I almost did it, but last night and tonight I've been a mess.
I can't shake the feelings of loneliness and despair. I just feel so alone, and as much as people try to relate to me, I remain alienated and ultimately, alone. Don't get me wrong, I make friends really easy. But lately, it just seems that I couldn't give a fuck about making friends, yet I am... I guess in need of someone who I can truly relate to who is my age. I can't be the only fucking genuinely depressed Victorian teenager. There's no way. Good luck fucking trying to find one though.
There's another thing that's fucking with my head lately too. Everyone I know at the minute is in a serious relationship, and in love and all that shit. I've only ever been in love once, and yeah, alright, it was fucking amazing. But lately, I dunno...
I can't stand feeling this way, fucking going through hell without anyone else helping me. I don't fucking like the person this is turning me into. In fact, at this very minute, there is only one person who I truly hate, and that person is me. I am getting to the stage where I don't know how to function without being in a rage, or being sad and dead inside. I was told today that I'm emotionally stunted... And I just laughed. I'm a cunt too EVERYBODY, even the people I love.
If you're reading this, and don't understand what is going on, I've been on anti depressants for close too six weeks now. they are definitely working, but lately I'm slipping back into old habits. I'm a creature of the night, but at night, I become a different person. And I don't fucking like it.
I dunno, I guess I'm really just in the mood to talk and forget about all this shit. If you're reading this, send me a pm or comment me. or tell me to get fucked, whatever you feel like. I really couldn't give a fuck now at all
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Low_End_Rocker's blogs, last updated : September 14, 2008
