Well hello I didn't see you there. I was too busy being engrossed in the Iliad by the Ancient Greek storyteller Homer. I am assuming that you want some personal information about me so you can get to know me more as a real person and not as an internet pedo.
To begin, I was born in a military base on an island off the coast of Argentina known as the Falkland Islands. But immediately after I was squeezed out through the muff, there was hassle. These Brits were on the island (like wtf?) The mother and the dad were fighting against them while I was being dragged along the dirt by my still attached umbilical cord. Then I just thought enough was enough. I grabbed a Bowie knife out of a dead Brit's body and cut my umbilical cord off. Then I grabbed a 9mm Browning handgun and shot any filthy Brit that came in my way. I made my way to an airport runway, where there were Brits waiting for me. There was this big buff guy who was walking towards me like he had phonebooks under his arms. I did a cartwheel and then a backflip and kicked him in the chin mid-flight. He dropped to the ground. The other men saw what I did to him and they looked on, stunned. "Any of you chilitos want some more?" I said, with my arms outstretched to my sides. They ran off.
I made my way towards a parked plane on the runway. I saw a limey starting up the plane attempting to escape the wrath of a 10-minute-old baby. "Oh no you fucking don't", I exclaimed. I sprinted towards the plane but it was making its way up into the sky. I squatted down and then sprung up. I was getting higher and higher towards the plane. I landed on the top with a metallic thud. As I crawled towards the windscreen the pom saw me and looked in horror. I smashed the window with my tiny baby fists and pulled him out. I dragged him to the top of the plane and gave him left hooks, right hooks, uppercuts, every kind of punch that existed. I pulled a grenade out of his pocket and pulled the pin out and shoved the grenade into his mouth. "Tell Margaret Tatcher I said 'Hi'". And I kicked him off the plane. He was falling rapidly towards the depleted land. Then. Boom. He exploded like a Twin Tower. I swung back into the plane that somehow managed to stay in flight. I made my way north east towards a land known as Ireland.
After a 14 hour flight I crashed landed into DГЎil Eireann. I shagged a secretary with my 12 inch baby dick and gave her AIDS. Then I knocked up Bono and molested Louis Walsh. Because they're both faggots anyway, amirite?
Nothing interesting happened after that. I was adopted by a family of blacks where I stole a guitar from some pasty white kid and I played it continuously after that. I still impregnate women and molest men but sometimes I wonder how my family back in the Falklands are. Maybe one day I'll visit again. But for now it's time to cut down on the speedball habit.