Oh joy, the skeletons in the closet that I dont have. those are always the great ones. And lately, as in the past couple of months, the way I treated people while I was in Conyers, and the things that I did while I was there, it came crashing down on me on how much of a rough/bad/horrible person I was for that. I was another victim of society, a mindless drone filled with the ideas that he could make it as a musician if he tried hard enough and stepped all over the right people, focused only on himself and his instant gratification. I just sit back and think "What the hell was I thinking" But I just move on because I was stupid and careless in my middle school and early high school career, but I feel like an asshole for it.
I mean, what if I didn't date Shaunna(No offense to you dear, I love you much) I mean, would our friendsihp have been so much stronger instead of us hating each other for a year, then realizing our fighting was stupid? Or what if I hadnt been so mean to people while I was there? Would I have had more friendships with stronger bonds? What if I had the values in my 7th grade year that I have in my 11th grade year?
My Present
Ah, my life right now. its a mix of amazing and rough. I'm fighting to keep peace with myself within my own head. I keep saying "JR, you can justify your actions in your past by saying that you were young, stupid, and thoughtless", but then my other side says "JR, you can never justify your actions. Nice job, screwup" So its been setting me off mentally.
And I see my world around me changing drastically. My increased involvement in religion has really been helping me out lately, and I thank God for that. Otherwise, he only knows what would be going on inside my head. but life has become a lot more peaceful for me, a lot more relaxed where I can get out and enjoy the world around me. I've found that the territory is beautiful(and especially one of the girls here ), the people are great, and its a much safer place than Conyers was.
My Future
My future begins with the rise and crash of a sugar high inducedd by Betty Crocker's Whipped Vanilla Cake frosting, 1500 calories of pure, artery clogging, heart-attack inducing sugary goodness. But it just hit me a couple of weeks ago: JR, you're graduating in a year and a half. You're going to college, into the real world, and it smacked me across the face. I'm just like...wow, I just got into a new comfort zone, and by the time I'm truly into it, i'll be ripped out of it.
but not just college, but the life afterwards. I mean, i know whatever I do, my bass will be somewhere, whether I do it just for shits and giggles, or a solo act. but right now, I keep jumping careers and what I want to do with the rest of my life. My parents keep pushing naval academy so that i can get into the engineering program and do that, but I really dont know if thats what I wanna do. I mean, i knwo i'm in high school and i'm supposed to enjoy life, but how can I when the future is coming at me with the fury of 12 angry ex girlfriends which chainsaws. oh joy.
But yeah, now you know a bit about whats going on in the head of a bass player. So I hope you're not confused if you've ever thougth what i've been thinking.
Damn you Betty Crocker, you heart attack inducing whore.
well, its time for me to talk again, so here goes.
The Ex's. Oh those joyous people we call ex's. Some of us actually have good relations with their ex's, but me, i'm not one of those people. but I just think its kind of funny how immediately after you break up with said person, you say "I'm free, I can forget about them and move on", yet you cant. They continue to haunt you in your dreams, turning them into nightmares, or ruining your thoughts, making you realized "hey dumass, you just got dumped for a freshman!" and then you sit and go "damn, I really fucked up." All of a sudden, something that you should be celebrating(one's freedom, not that i'm saying that relationship is slavery), has got you depressed.
From there your into an uber funk, and you just feel like shit. and your like "aw dammit" but you continue to live your life, because they're ur ex, and thats what they'll be from right now.
My Oh's. this is the OH SHIT what the hell did I do? Its kinda funny how you can get into a relationship with someone and then stuff happens and later on you sit back and think "oh damn, I fucked up big time". At the time, you think that it's a great idea and that you love this person very much, but then after it happens, or after you break up, you realize that you let the other person blind your true feelings and then you're into a hole that you can never get out of.
that hole becomes an instant blemish on any relationship that you may ever hope to have. Shit, nice job dumass.
Freedom. Ah, what a glorious idea. but then again, thats all it is, an idea. Can we ever really be free? In my opinion, its impossible. because we all let ourselves be slaves to society and society's views. Dictionary.com states freedom as being defined as the state of being free or at liberty rather than in confinement or under physical restraint.
Now, knowing my readers, though few and far between, you're sitting there thinking "I'm free, I do what I want." but I ask you this. Do you really? When you make your choices, have you ever thought "Is this popular?" and the instant you start thinking that, you know that you've become a slave to society and being cool.
ugh, whatever. Sometimes people suck, but mostly society and its views are the ones that suck. Its views are what make me sit back and think...
Well, I'm here to discuss the evolution of human beings from our very beginnings to where we are today. Now, to set things straight, yes I do believe in evolution. As a Christian, I believe that God had a hand in evolution from monkeys to humans. So please, don't start flaming me on religious grounds.
Now, it was many thousands of years ago when monkeys began developing, relying less on their arms as a form of balance and more of walking on two feet and beginning to stand straighter. They developed a more defined, straightened spine as they began moving. Some would even go to call it a backbone.
Now, evolution continued until the very beginnings of true humans as we see today, with the ideals of the caveman in mind. Very hairy, primalistic, but still, a human nonetheless. Now these were the starts of backbones. True backbones, the term used for a person that is willing to fight for what they believe in, whether it be a moral cause or just to put some damn food on the table.
Then you get into the basics of civilizations, where primal instincts were needed less and less. Governments came to rule, and people began developing fear of these governments. With this fear came apathy. Just not doing a damn thing, just because you think that the higher power will always win, because in many ancient civilizations, it did.
Development continued with the Romans, who truly brought back the idea of a backbone, and the ability to form massive armies and kick some serious ass. Backbones continued prominency through the medievil times, again with large armies fighting for what they believed in(lets just ignore the Crusades though. that was a massive power struggle with the church and yeah, a schism in the time of backbones.)
Backbones quickly declined into silence for a long time, especially after the creation of a first true democracy here in the US. We discovered that we could run to someone else for all of our problems, and go and whine to them until they got sick of it and made a new law purely to shut us up. Now you may ask "isnt that showing a backbone because your fighting for what you believe in?" no, its really not. Its just someone's momma bitching about how their little baby got mistreated at a little league baseball game.
In order to fight for what you believe in, you must have a good argument. You must be able to argue with the higher powers, not sit and cower in fear of them because things havent gone your way in the past couple of times. Just because you lose once or twice doesnt mean you have to run like a scared little dog with your tail between your legs every time you think you want something changed.
Stand up for yourself. Be proud. I mean, for Christ's sake, all teenagers ever do is sit and complain about how they can't win against their parents? You know why? Its because as a pre teen they got shot down because their parents wouldnt let them go to the movies with their crush. And now, they let those few losses dig deep into their brains to where they no longer try.
Dont you think that standing up for yourself would help you so much more than hurt you? You gain respect from it, whether it be your peers, your parents, or yourself.
So grow a backbone. You have a spine, but grow a backbone. fight for what you believe in.
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LetTheBassPlay's blogs, last updated : August 19, 2007
), the people are great, and its a much safer place than Conyers was.