So... I don't know what this is but... I'm not so miserable lately. Maybe the heat break is a lead to optimism? Maybe I just needed to be busier? I just feel more distracted I guess.
I'm still not happy... but I feel different. I guess I want to live. haha
Allow me to break it down.
First... I don't really feel hunger anymore. I finally got back to this feeling of fine and dandy again. Not eat for a day or two, but not feel the need. It takes a while to get here... hunger pains usually win... but that's passed now. Since I don't feel hunger, I've got no reason to be upset I'm not eating. I just go about my day... It's not a limiting thing either. I can play with my dogs, go through a day of work, etc. So that's nice...
I had to pay for a speeding ticket yesterday, but I'm not any more broke than usual because my hours are up at work... So, debt is meh. Even though I have no job in it yet, a wonderful dentist friend of mine is letting me come by as I please to shadow and learn more of what's expected in a dental office so that when the time comes I'll be ready and remember. She may even recommend me for this new place in town if I do well... and just that chance is spirit-lifting.
Since the heat is down due to occasional rain and whatnot... I don't feel so bad there. It's still not cool by any means (still 30-35C/85-95F), but yanno... less sweaty and uncomfortable I guess.
And finally hobbies...
I've missed drawing, but I never know what to draw. My project of drawing all the TCers... that challenge... idk it's kinda fun. I just hope no one is mad when they look less like a portrait and more like a caricature.
Reading always offers a world to escape to. I've got more things to dream about and think about and that makes me smile.
My incredible friend Buddha is teaching me guitar despite my being a difficult pupil. Oh, and apparently what I'm learning on is what is known as a Les Paul... /knowledge. I'll figure this all out eventually haha
And lastly... music... music in general is keeping me here. It has this uncanny ability of unraveling what you're thinking, and making it beautiful. Just a few days ago I was thinking of all my friends across the pond... and what should reveal itself again but Transatlanticism. I hear the song and imagine myself standing on a deserted beach trying to decipher the answer to the question of how I'll make it there one day. I saw the grey water.. the pale sand... the sky was gold though... that horizon... idk... I just like it when I can see music.