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muffinduck01 (2)
Monday, March 26, 2012


Current mood: content

Views: 485
Comments: 5
It's been a while, but I've recently returned to UGTC and have been scanning some UG.  Still haven't finished building my new computer, nor do I have the funds for a cheap laptop.  Things just haven't really financially bettered around here.  

Two - three weeks ago my car started to fall apart again, and I gave myself a nasty little burn at work.  I sucked it up as a bad time, put my skidplate in my car, and bandaged my arm.  Whatevs... I just held onto that optimism.

Things seemed like they were getting a little better, so a week ago I went to try my first hookah bar.  I assumed it was just cigarette ingredients that made me sick, so I tried it while high.  ...pretty fucking sure now I'm indeed allergic to tobacco products all around.  While at the bar I asked the waitress if she could charge my phone for a bit.  I left it for an hour.  When I got my phone back I noticed several missed calls and texts wondering where I was because... 

My dad had his car stolen.  He decided to take a women he'd met several times at the local bar out for dinner and drinks to lift her spirits.  While at the restaurant she asks for his keys because she's left her cigarettes in the car.  He passes them off.  The woman drives off with his new SUV that he saved and waited for... and had only had in his possession for two weeks.

He spent the next day in bed, purposely grounding himself there by "mixing up his medications" and I went to work.  When I came home I found a note on the TV saying that he had tried to watch it, and it started smoking and fried.  

I tried to text my bf to console me, because even though these things happened mainly to my dad, it means I'm having to make sure he's going to be okay, drive him around, etc.  My bf then berates me for being high and out smoking... going on to complain that the reason I'm poor is because of the $50 I spend on myself a month.  He goes on to say that I should try harder and that he has over $10.000 saved up... and doesn't' see why it's so hard for me.  My bf has rich parents, all of his newer vehicles were purchased for him.  He has had every advantage, works 40 hours a week, and every cent he earns is disposable income because he lives with his parents.  His monthly budget breakers?  Car insurance, cell phone, dog food.  

[Side Story]

The funny thing is I started smoking weed to avoid pills.  I didn't smoke or drink, but my health was getting worse and the stress was making me think the world around me was worse than it was.  I kept coughing, kept getting dizzy, kept having pain, but couldn't afford to pay the doctors.  Without anyone there for me, no parents, no bf to comfort me, a depression I thought was long gone began creeping back in.  It got harder to breathe... A friend of mine took pity and passed me an eighth for my birthday.  My cough stopped, the pain subsided, and my stress was gone.

Before everything went to shit, my uplifting thoughts of the past week were based around fixing up and selling my car, buying a better one, and pinching some pennies for a road trip to see some fellow TCers.  Now my car is the one relied on until the cops find my dad's or he buys another one.  I'm stuck with this blinking check engine light...

Whether it be solely this, or a combination with my sadness, I began to have what I believe to be a crohn's flare-up.  It's what my nursing major sister diagnosed, it's what the gastroenterologist wanted to do tests for, and it's what my symptoms line up perfectly for.   Combined with the allergic reaction of the smoke I began to feel some intense pain. Despite it all I tried to keep going to work, often having to hold myself up or sit on the floor.  I wanted to cry.  My coworkers took pity and let me leave early after I lost control of my bladder, pissed myself, and had to go home and change.  All the while I couldn't find solace from the helper of the past few months, weed, because I needed to breathe in as much clean air as possible.  

My bf continued to condescend to me over texts so I eventually just came to a rant explaining my crohn's problems, something he didn't even know about because we never talk about that sort of thing... Heartbreak over, break-up imminent.

So just to recap:  Allergic Reaction, Crohn's Flare-up, Dad's Car Stolen, TV Burnt Out, Car Problems, No BF

[Second Side Story]  I have an uncle in Michigan who I haven't been able to see as much as I want because of the distance.  He's eccentric, fun, and just flat out crazy.  My grandparents all passed when I was younger, so he's the closest thing I've had my whole life to a grandparent.  My cousin's don't take care of their father/grandfather and so he hired a woman to keep him from an assisted living home.  My plan during the summer was to drive up, see him, and spend a couple of days with him because I don't think he realizes how much he means to me.

The next thing I found out was in a message from the daughter of my uncle's caregiver.  She treated him like she was his true granddaughter and is a fucking awesome individual.  Her message was to tell me that my uncle had slipped into a coma... He won't be there for me this summer after all...

All of these events occurred within two days.  It's been almost a week now and I can smoke weed again finally to dull the pains and can eat well again.  

I think the only reason I'm still here is because of people in TC.  To have someone to talk to about all of this.  

Thank you.  Truly.
7:13 pm - 5 comments - 2 Kudos - Report!
bloodtrocuted93 wrote on Mar 26th, 2012 8:06pm

Oh my god... I don't even know what to say... Talk to me anytime, though. I love you! :hug:


muffinduck01 wrote on Mar 26th, 2012 9:00pm

I'm not really sure what to say. I can't relate to much of what you wrote, but I will say this.

You may have been dealt a very bad hand in life, I can solute you for sticking to it and not running away and hiding. You have more of a backbone than many other lesser people, who would love nothing more than to curl up in a ball and pray that their problems go away. You, however, are facing your problems head on, and not backing down. I don't even think I could take what you're going through right now.

I'll also leave you with this, as i'm usually not very good with inspiring words....


GenderNeutrala wrote on Mar 26th, 2012 9:51pm

I just need to motivate myself to get a new job. I am like the biggest procrastinator and have the application but haven't talked to anyone yet. I get that job, I'll have more money, and everything will be gravy... No matter what happens though, I am not missing the TC trip. That has me so excited! The chance to get away and meet the people I talk to all the time... just yay!


BeefWellington wrote on Mar 26th, 2012 10:04pm

I find how you've been trying to keep your head up and carry on admirable. You're a lovely person and a pleasure to know, and you don't deserve a single bad thing that's been thrown at you.

I'm 3000 miles away so I can't hug you in person, so here's an emoticon instead


GenderNeutrala wrote on Mar 26th, 2012 10:39pm

Grace, Dave, Jammms... :hug:


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