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Friday, November 13, 2009

How do you define cheating? Could you forgive it?

Current mood: happy

Views: 944
Comments: 4
Cheating- one of the worst things short of killing that one person can do to another in a relationship. It can be defined by a variety of things, and it most definitely varies from person to person. To start off, boundaries should be set in the very early stages (if not the first day) of a relationship. Each should discuss what they consider cheating and what is acceptable. But this is a blog, so I guess I'll start stating my side.

How I define cheating, is something that I find insulting to me. For instance, if my girlfriend kissed another guy, whether it be sober or drunk, that is cheating. Now, the circumstances are what decide how bad it is. If she kisses the guy on the cheek because she's really happy because of something really nice he did for her, I could turn the other cheek and think nothing of it. However, if she was to kiss him on the lips, that's disturbing to me and I would definitely consider it bad news for her. So everything after that is cheating: making out, groping, oral sex, casual sex (obviously).

But about all the flirtatious hugs/texts she may give/send to other guys, it varies on how much I trust her. If she engages in those activities early in the relationship, then I'll be more skeptical of thinking us two have a chance for a long-term relationship. If I notice her adding hearts in her texts or saying she misses them, that's usually a clue to me that she's feeling something for him. Or if she get's overly physical with her hugs (e.g. grabs his ass) and asks for them frequently, then it'll get me thinking.

Now on to the most confusing gray area out there: her hanging out with other guy friends. I in no way want to be controlling of her, and prevent her from hanging out with other male friends. But also, there's a point where you start to question your trust in her. Is she going out with just him? Is it always/usually a late night thing? Does she ever take priority of hanging out with him over you? If you answer yes to any of these questions, then you might want to keep an eye out. And I don't mean go around and stalk her, seeing everything she does with the guy, just make a judgment call. Do you think you have a good possibility of being hurt in the long run? Do you really think she is (considering) cheating on you? If yes to either, then I'd usually end it. Better to be safe than I sorry.

Just so everyone knows, I have never experienced what it feels like to be cheated on, nor have I ever done it myself. I can only imagine the pain one must go through for suffering this, and I hope that I never come across its path in my life. But I have a feeling, if it were to happen to be, I don't think I could forgive them, much less give them a second try.
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Comments
rigiddigits wrote on Nov 13th, 2009 7:43pm

Interesting point about flirting. What's ok for one couple may not be for another.

Something that most people will probably be familiar with is their partner having a close friend of the opposite sex. What happens if they've always had a flirty or 'touchy-feely' style of friendship, but you're new on the scene and you're not comfortable with it? Is it your problem, or theirs?

Compromise and communication are key, I think, as with all areas of relationships. Some people are just naturally more reserved (or flirtatious) than others, and it's important to recognise that there is no set standard for this kind of thing - it's up to you as a couple to agree your boundaries as you go. Having a talk with someone because you feel that they're breaking one of the rules you set together is a hell of a lot easier than tiptoeing around the subject (or arguing about it) because neither of you ever bothered to define right and wrong.

Great blog Freezer :)

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The Spoon wrote on Nov 13th, 2009 8:40pm

Hey Freezer Burn. I see you're still going strong with RT thread stuff :P

To me, I would define cheating as anything past kissing. That's just the way i've always seen it.

Her hanging out with other guy friends has to do more with insecurity than trust, imo. Of course, you have to trust her...but if you don't trust her, why are you in a relationship then?

All the overanalyzing and questions that arise in someone's head when their partner is hanging out with members of the opposite sex all stem from an insecurity rather than a trust issue. I've seen my friends get paranoid, but they have no reason to. They know the girl won't do anything, yet they still worry.

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Freezer Burna wrote on Nov 13th, 2009 9:10pm

rigiddigits wrote on Nov 13th, 2009 at 2:43pm :
What happens if they've always had a flirty or 'touchy-feely' style of friendship, but you're new on the scene and you're not comfortable with it? Is it your problem, or theirs?

Great blog Freezer :)


Then it's our problem that we need to sort out ourselves. Like you said compromising will be a key factor in solving it.

Thanks :)

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Freezer Burna wrote on Nov 13th, 2009 9:17pm

The Spoon wrote on Nov 13th, 2009 at 3:40pm :
Hey Freezer Burn. I see you're still going strong with RT thread stuff :P

To me, I would define cheating as anything past kissing. That's just the way i've always seen it.

Her hanging out with other guy friends has to do more with insecurity than trust, imo. Of course, you have to trust her...but if you don't trust her, why are you in a relationship then?


Not as much as I used to be, but yes I'm still hanging around these parts. However I'm working at it to become more active.

There's a fine line between being insecure and not trusting someone. Sometimes you just get that gut feeling that something is wrong and then it's a matter of you doing anything about it.

And like I said, it matters on how long you've known her, her dating background, and how long you have been dating her, they all have a factor.

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