Meet Bob. Bob is looking cool. Bob lives in Chicken, Alaska. He works down in a mine shaft all day long, and he loves his job. He practices polygamy, and he currently has five wives and twenty-seven children. He also races in NASCAR. He is known as “Smilin’ Bob” and his primary sponsor is Enzyte. He has won sixty-nine racrs in his racing career. One day, Bob noticed that there was a mayoral election going on, and he decided to campaign. He won in a landslide, and he gained a lot of confidence in the process, thanks to Enzyte.
Being the mayor of Chicken, Alaska is a hard job, as Bob soon found out. The thirty-seven Inuit Indians that lived there were always complaining about things. Bob decided to travel the ‘States trying to find how to be a good mayor. He met a mysterious man in Georgia at the crossroads. The man said he could help, if Bob would simply sign a contract. Bob did so quickly, without reading.
They both traveled back to Chicken, Alaska to start working on making Bob a better mayor. They decided to do community service by organizing a Christmas play with Bob as Santa. Despite Bob having a sleigh full of confidence and a sack full of pride, the play didn’t go over well, since the Inuit people didn’t understand Christmas or who the hell Santa was.
The mysterious man told Bob that in order to become a better mayor, he would have to read a book. Bob the read the title (“The Satanic Bible? What is this crap?” he thought) and started reading. He then confronted the man, and the complained that the book was too long and boring. The man grew furious, and then started yelling at Bob. Bob grew frightened and ran swiftly away to the Inuit people.
The people told Bob that the man was the physical form of Satan, and Satan was bad. Bob then armed the Inuit people, and they went to find Satan. Then they found him, Satan told Bob that Bob had signed a contract, and hurting him would cause Bob’s soul to burn in the fires of hell for eternity. The only way Bob could get rid of Satan was to defeat him in a fiddle playing contest. If Bob won, Satan would go away forever, and Bob would be free and he’d win a shiny golden fiddle. Bob got out his trusty fiddle, rosined up his bow, and the two started playing the opening lines to the familiar Charlie Daniel’s song.
They battled for hours on end, and Bob was on the verge of defeat, when suddenly Jimmy Page showed up with his Gibson double neck guitar and joined in. Jimmy Page started playing such an awesome and fiery solo, Satan’s face melted off, and he fell down in a heap. Bob tried to thank Jimmy, but Mr. Page replied that it was his job. Satan then stood up to the shock of Bob and Jimmy Page, and screamed that he would kill them both, when Chuck Norris appeared out of the blue and kicked Satan’s head into space with a roundhouse kick. Satan looked defeated for good, and all three of them walked into the sunset.
THE END… OR IS IT?
It's a stupid story I wrote last year for English. I thought it was kinda funny
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FloyDZeD's blogs, last updated : August 19, 2009
