At the Phone
Act I:salesperson: "Hello there, *insert random company name here* speaking, how may i help you?"
me: "hello there, this is me speaking...uhm..."
salesperson: "is this the first time you use our services sir?"
me: "yeah...yes it is why why?"
salesperson: "well i am legally bound and obliged to warn every new customer beforehand of the potential risks that come with our services."
me: "ow, ow i see. what are risks then?"
salesperson: *nothing important*
close your eyes to the downside
look away, look up and away
lock your gaze at
vague spots on the ceiling
order another bag of tea
everything will be right
salesperson: *...mprl humhum...*
me: "ow well thats not so bad is it? "
salesperson: "it's all at own risk sir."
me: "well if so then uhm...i'd like to buy a twoandahalf pound of happiness, a pound of smiles, halfapound of talent and an ounce of melancholy please."
salesperson: "how would you like to pay sir?"
me: "uhhm let's see do you accept cheques?"
salesperson: "we do sir but if you pay by credit card within 24 hours we throw a 100 grams of pure luck in for free."
me: "brilliant, let's give that a shot then."
I saw the poor chap a few days later on the street. He told a cute girl that he missed her, and the girl laughed demoniacally while she ripped out his pulsating heart. I felt bad for him.