Greetings fellow Hessians, Downtrodden or otherwise. I was sat in my Mr. Men Bean-bag chair the other day, thinking about the dedicated following I have amassed. And it struck me that to run an organisation such as this will inevitably require financial support, so, being the dedicated Hessians you are, I figured I could squeeze a few quid out of... Uh, I mean I figured you would selflessly donate to the Hessian Cause.
So now that this first matter of discussion is concluded, I will indulge you all in some ramblings regarding the scant time I spend away from this machine. Time a lot of you seem to refer to as 'Real Life'.
So, I got a dog, a tr00 Hessian dog, A Labrador puppy, a Pedigree no less. This was great news to me, because ever since I was a little Hessian tyke i'd always wanted to participate in my favourite Hessain sporting event, Dog hurtling.
For the few people who don't know what this sport encomapasses i.e. Hessians who have been living under a rock, I shall divulge.
Dog Hurtling is close to what the name suggests, by using any means at your disposal, you manually project the canine as far as you possibly can. Obviously, in true Hessian manner, you are not allowed any sort of assisting tools i.e. Catapults, Rocket launchers, those things off Top Gear that propel vehicles over cliffs. No, in true Hessian fashion you can only use the limbs you have at your disposal. Which i guess means if you so wished you could use somebody elses limbs, but I'd suggest avoiding that route.
But there is one tried and tested method that holds true, And it has existed through years of family heritage. It is called the Noon maneuver, and method that was first used back in the 1700's where my great ancestor Monchengladbach Noon was competing in the 6th annual Hesian Athletic meeting. It is exectuted quite simply by having the dog's hind legs in the palm of your hands, and utilising not only the projection you but forward but also of the projection of the canine leaping forward.
So thats really all there is to report.
Oh, and HALO 3 ROXXORZZ WUT.
Thank you for your time my Hessians compadres, I will return with an update sometime in the future.