" Don't let anyone tell you you're dirt poor... You've got plenty of dirt!" Connan O'Brian
" Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings." Some Guy
" The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on." Robert Bloch
" Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers." Homer Simpson
" Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss." Douglas Adams
" You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'." Homer Simpson
" I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places." Henny Youngman
“ Don't have sex man. It leads to kissing and pretty soon you have to start talking to them.” Steve Martin
“ I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.” Steve Martin
“ I believe you should place a woman on a pedestal - high enough so you can look up her dress” Steve Martin
“ First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.” Steve Martin
“ I gave my cat a bath the other day. . .they love it. He sat there, he enjoyed it, if was fun for me. The fur would stick to my tongue, but other than that. . .” Steve Martin
" A day without sunshine is like, you know, night." Steve Martin
“ Why do you have to break up with her? Be a man. Just stop calling.” Matt LeBlanc
" I was the best man at the wedding. If I'm the best man, why is she marrying him?" Jerry Seinfeld
" The padded outfits, the bad scripts, the phony-looking sets… he dealt with it all. He had to. He was Superman." Jerry Seinfeld
" A hippie is someone who looks like Tarzan, walks like Jane and smells like Cheetah." Ronald Reagon
" Join the "Def_Leppard_Man is AWSOME" group, because Def_Leppard_Man is AWSOME!!!!!" Def_Leppard_Man
but if I at a giant green caterpillar whose army of gym teachers attacked the empire of the the roman pee faces then it would be better than -8.2333252525 but I didn't eat that historic caterpillar so it is NOT better than...that number.
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