So, last night I went to prison and Wal-Mart, but not in that order. I'm not the kind of person who likes to work off a night in the tank by browsing through fat person clothes. Because, really, that's what they've got at Wal-Mart. Every time I go in there looking for a new pair of jeans (29-34's, certainly not fat person clothes by any stretch of the imagination, thus not in Wal-Mart) or a shirt (Small Fitted. Also not avaible in Wal-Mart) or underwear (for a man with a lengthy wang. And since fat people are big in the wrong places, it's NOT AVAILABLE IN WAL-MART), not my reasons for going into Wal-Mart span several categories, objects and a severe distrust in those people in blue and white uniforms. But I digress. With my newly broken ankle, and the huge matrix that is The Wal-Mart, I figured "No way in Hell an I going to wander around this place on crutches. No.", so I got a little power buggy from the front of the store, tied the power chord around a bigger buggy. Since God knows I can't just buy one thing in that store, and I like to browse, and feel like I can buy whatever I want. Hooray for credit cards. After filling up my buggy with condoms and tampons and driving by and tossing them in peoples carts(Like a drive by shooting, but the only thing hurt is their sense of embarassment), I scooted on over to the produce aisle. All of five hundred torque pushing against the sack of cat food that fell infront of my buggy. (Seriously. There were like five fifty pound bags of cat food in front of my buggy, caught in the wheelwell. That's Two hundred and fifty torque atleast. I also knocked down my six foot tall brother and 'relocated' the entire camping section.) Ain't got nuffin' on Handicapped buggies
So after filling up my buggy withFrench Bread (♥ if you've never tried it, go get some. It's amazing for sammiches ♥ and doughnuts, I suddenly had an idea! I could press down the beeper, so it sounds like a flatline, and then drive in circles in the middle of Wal-Mart! Thus, I put doughtnuts in your doughtnuts so you can spin while you eat.
Well, the officials had something to say about that. And those words were "You're coming with us, sir.". So I, of course, tried to make a break for it. Of course, it's awful hard to run when you're on crutches. So they caught me and put me in (Dun dun duuuun!) Wal-Mart-Prison. Good news: I got a good deal. Bad news: it was Wal-Mart brand.
Also, how about this new chat function? Pretty nifty, but it feels a lot like Facebook, but without the 'Go Offline' function. Or maybe it's there, and just not usable. I'll ask the guy caught stealing videogames about it next time.
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Ah, Wal-Mart. The only place I can do whatever I blog
and doughnuts, I suddenly had an idea! I could press down the beeper, so it sounds like a flatline, and then drive in circles in the middle of Wal-Mart! Thus, I put doughtnuts in your doughtnuts so you can spin while you eat.