Once upon a time there were two friends in Dinosaur Island/The Mushroom
Kingdom, they went by the names Mario Mario and Lakitu. Lakitu was a
shy turtle growing up, he didn't have many friends, it was basically
just Mario and Lakitu, together until the end. They played the same
games, went to the same school, liked the same girls, to put it simply,
together they skinned their hearts and skinned their knees. They were
even on the same bowling team when they grew up.
But one day, something strange happened, Mario didn't show up for
bowling practice. Lakitu was worried, he thought to himself.."Mario
wouldn't EVER miss bowling practice, it's his favorite thing in the
world!" You see, this is before Mario started hoppin' on Goombas for a
past time. Well, as the hours added up, Lakitu began to get even more
worried, he even started to tear up because he knew how fragile Mario
was. Lakitu, being a good friend, canceled the practice, and went out
into the world in search of Mario. He searched the Donut Plains,
Chocolate Island, Yoshi Island, The Vanilla Dome, The Forest of
Illusion, and even Star World, Then he went to to the Valley of Bowser
to see his cousin Bowser, to ask if he had seen him anywhere. But
sadly, Bowser hadn't seen him.
Lakitu decided it was time to go home, just in case Mario called. When
Lakitu came home, his eyes had a flood of tears welled up, and he was
counting on his wife Peach to make him feel better, like she always
did. All of a sudden, Lakitu heard a scream and banging. He said.."Oh
my God, what if there's a bandit here?"
He ran to his office and grabbed a present that Mario gave him to
him, the Hammer he used to defeat Donkey Kong, the original one, not
the one from DK Country. You see, Mario's girlfriend Pauline, the
princess who was held captive by Donkey Kong in that game, who looks an
awful lot like Princess Peach, broke up with him. Mario couldn't bear
to keep it around, so Lakitu took it off his hands. Anyway, Lakitu
brought the hammer down against the door, cracking it open, and when he
looked into the room, his jaw hit the floor harder than any hammer ever
could..He saw Mario, his best friend, completely naked, except for his
hat, on top of his wife. The sounds coming from the two of them made
his eyes tear up.
"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING! IS YOUR DICK IN MY WIFE?" is what he
screamed. All of a sudden, Mario jumped off of Princess Peach. "Oh man,
This is Peach? I thought it was Pauline..they look so similar you know,
we got back together you know."
Lakitu..well he knew it was a lie..he raised his hammer up into
the air, ready to bring it down on Mario's head, but he couldn't do
it..Mario WAS his best friend after all. And then he thought..I never
made Peach squeel like that...With that thought in mind, he looked at
the window, knowing his house was on a cliff..He said..Good bye Mario,
have fun with my wife. And he just hurled himself out the window, ready
to die.
On his way down, he closed his eyes, and suddenly..he stopped falling.
He opened his eyes, and he discovered he had landed on a cloud. He was
saved. The cloud, it turns out, was a therapist. He told him that it's
healthy to confront the people that make him mad. So Lakitu decided
that Dr. Cloud was right. The months passed and Mario heard nothing
about Lakitu, and just assumed he was sleeping with the fishes. So
Mario figured it was okay to continue sleeping with Peach.
Then one day, out of nowhere, a spikey red turtle was hurled at him
from the sky..He knew these turtles..They were the same turtles that
Lakitu used to bowl with..Then, Mario's old friend Bowser BUSTED into
his house, surrounded by Goombas, and his sons. Bowser said.. "Look
Mario, I'm sorry, but you fucked Lakitu over..So..Now I'm fucking you
over." Lakitu flew down on his cloud, which surprised Mario..and
started throwing his red spikey turtles at him, Mario tried to fend
them off, and while he was doing this, Bowser snatched Peach and dashed
off..Lakitu said.."Mario, you've caused us pain and now I will follow
you and torment you until the end of your days." And this is where the
Mario games got their start. Lakitu, and Mario fuckin' him over. Mario
isn't a hero, Mario is an asshole, folks. After Mario got very popular,
Lakitu sued him, he said without him Mario would be nowhere, and he
deserved some money. After awhile, Lakitu and Bowser and all of them
were able to put it behind them. Now all Mario does is play golf, throw
parties, and race around in go-karts.. He's now drama-less.
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How mario came to be, courtesy Jack Off Jill blog
Actually, I don't care. Thanks for giving me my credit. 
