After months of rehearsals (not literally months, but we've rehearsed several times over those months), no less than five complete sets of demo recordings, repeated playback and in depth analysis of the demos, we're finally laying down the drum track for the Katzengesang album. Bareback Wallace is definitely a better drummer than Alan Fister, although he is more assertive, although that's probably a good thing.
The pressure is on, because this in all probability is going to be the single most important day of my life. And probably the highlight of it, too.
The arrangements and drum tracks have come a long way, but I'm still extremely worried about how the vocals are going to come out.
We're even doing a photo shoot like little indie cunts, complete with Che Guevara hats and desert scarves.
'Raping the Dead' is now called 'Ploughing the Dead'. Not because I'm selling out, but because it's darker and less comedic, in line with the tracks. It's more subversive, too, which is awesome. It's the last song we added to the lineup, but it's got great energy and Stiv more or less nailed it first time.
There's not going to be a guitar solo in "Cat Nip". We've been having trouble with this one. It's either too fast and messy, or it's long and drawn out. But it's probably the closest thing we've got to a bubblegum pop single, which the unwashed cunts will like, so it needs to be good on the day. I'm quite worried. But I reckon the vocals will probably be OK on that one, if a bit whiny.
I had a go doing the massive organ song in "R.I.T." It sounds apocalyptic, huge and overblown, as planned. Riot always sounds good, so I'm completely confident. And I substitute swearwords for even more offensive rhyming slang. Wait and see.
To be honest, it's the overdubs that are going to be tricky. Some of the guitar solos will need a lot of practice. I STILL can't play the f*cking riff to 'Skullworms' from cold. Skullworms usually sounds good. It's a good song, but I'm worried that it'll be overshadowed by some of the others, which are way better.
The guitar solo in 'Inquisition' is quite tricky to play at breakneck speed, as the licks really meander. A bit of a mindfuck. Inquisition sounds great, in terms of playing it's faultless. It's pretty offensive though, but who cares, it's punk, innit.
I'm looking forward to our cover of Eleanor Rigby. As I informed an initially unenthusiastic BB Wallace, you can't make a classic record if you don't wreck a Beatles song. Probably not true, but who gives a fuck.
A song for sexual deviants, the misogynistic 'Lights Out', is sure to offend mainly feminists. Good. It sounded shaky a while ago, but it's a good track now. I feel a bit guilty because it's three descending chords a tone apart over and over again, but I suppose the lyrics and searing guitar will add some substance. Plus, it's a trash kittens song, who were about as inept as a nun giving a hummer. You should embrace your roots, even if they are a bit shit. Oh yeah, and as a treat to all you deadheads plus one, we're doing the controversial "get me pregnant with aids, black man" verse originally banned by TK frontman Ditchy T.
I see Kitten Without A Home as a bit of a trump card. It's the song that embodies the Trash Kittens, and it's very special. It comes faithful to the original demo, complete with the best guitar solo one could ever hope to play in lieu of the second chorus, heart rending vocals (I fucking roar on this one, once I broke down into tears playing an acoustic version!), and a chord substitution that sends shivers down the spine. I'd love to be able to play a Piano track with thick chords, but sadly I don't have the aptitude to pull that off - or the time to learn.
Scissorhands has been a problem throughout rehearsals, but last time we really nailed it in a big way. It's one of those songs that really comes to life when you get it at just the right speed. I am quite ashamed how similar it is to the Dolls' subway train, although on later realisation I did absolve the guilt by making this clear. The String part is going to go I-IV-V, really quietly from the second verse. It'll sound like you died and went to a slightly discordant heaven. But that's much more interesting, right kids? The fucking song's about imperfection and failure anyway.
Oi! Ruling Man is probably the weakest song on the album, but it's got great energy. And the political lyrics are still relevant, give or take a few tweaks. It's definitely very different to the song I wrote, which was originally a Billy Bragg style acoustic number.
Finally, included on the album is a special version of "More Tea, Gloria?". It really recieved great feedback, thank you. What better way to repay kindness than to record a version in the style of the Katzengesang album?Watch out for the Catholic Dark Age vocal melodies, Rocking guitar solo and European feel.
Finally, I've been instructed to write a column for UG about the experience. And for the extra plays it'll generate. Why not? I can't do any worse than that f*cking Tom Hess, can I?
And that's it, my friends, The pressure is on. I just pray I'm up to it.