It's new. Remember all the shit I've slung before about continuations or add ons? Fuck em'. No Continuations, No Fluxuations, and, unless they're passed out, No Penetrations. For tonight, we're back to basics people and it don't take no SGt. Hulka to tell us how high to jump. That type of direction is better left to House of Pain. Now, without further ado, sink your eye holes on another rant.
First order of business: Pringles are awesome. I want to lick the hand of the man who created the King Can because if he's anything like I dream, at least one side of it will be extra salty and delicious. However, as amazing as these curved flavorful bastards are, something about the guy on the can is getting to me. I think he's the Zoloft guy in disguise. Maybe people are out for revenge after all the side effects of drug kicked in. I don't know about you people, but when I'm depressed I don't think diarrhea and penis problems would brighten me up much more. I have trouble seeing myself as "HEY! This anti-depressant works great! Sure, I can't stop voiding my bowels and I can't get erect, but... at least I'm not depressed!" If I was a spokesperson for a product with THAT much quality I'd be on the land myself.
I've been trying to wrap my head around something the other day, but I can't quite find an answer. Where the fuck is Melissa Joan Hart? Now you're all asking why I should care about some mediocre teen actor who's terribly written sitcom ran 4 seasons to long. Well goddammit people, I care when semi-famous people disappear from the radar. Maybe not as much if my neighbor suddenly vanished and the mail was piling up, but still care none the less! Sure, Sabrina the Teenage Witch was bad, but... where the fuck is SHE!? She never even crossed over to any lame ass reality show to gain some more penny, not even any mention of her blowing a monkey at Sardi's or driving intoxicated and running over some Puerto Rican orphans. NOTHING! Would hearing any of that make me happy? Fuck no, I don't care. Does any of this make sense and is NOT contradictory?!...well no, probably not. I guess all I'm trying to say here is that I miss Boy Meets World and Drive ME Crazy was a fucking terrible movie.
Goldeneye was a bad movie. Yes, I said it. Great Bond flick but terrible movie. What saves it though? Cheese and WTF? Moments. I find interesting about the flick are the little things. Like a scene in which he cock’s a Walthar PPK, a slide top gun. Pointless. Also when he shoots the train from the tank, and some how appears 1,000 metres away. Brosnan can fly. How about this one: Having sex in a hotel room in Cuba, with a lit open fireplace. Now, I've heard the saying "laying down by the fire" but really? Oh oh, and the worst one of all: Having to see Izabella Scorupco's camel toe... at close range. May explain why her resume includes flicks with names like Cougar Club on it.
Ryan Seacrest needs to get the fuck off my radio. He's a cool dude who works his ass off, but he can take the Top 40 and stick it back up the corporate ass it came from. I hate radio. Specifically, our radio. Thank god for the internet or I'd have scars on my ears from an iron every time I've had to hear "Good Morning on your Frrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiday".
Prices are going up on too much shit. School, oil, food, energy, etc. Yet, alcohol is always on sale... I think there's a connection there but I'm too fucked to see it.
Costco scares the fuck out of me sometimes. I mean, it's pricing is erie. Shit is on sale... but not really and not all of it. Although, I do love its candy selection. Also, for $50 a (however the long those fucking cards last) you could eat well everyday for a hell of a lot cheaper than you would at home. Free samples are sweet, especially when the people dealing them out are senile.
"Can I have this one?"
"But... that's the whole box."
"Yah, but there's a toothpick in it"
"...well alright then. You know, back in my day gibberish gibberish"
Everyone is more fucked up then the rest though. I've seen one in Markham that I was the only white person in. I was at one in New Market where cashier was a transvestite. The one in Sudbury was different as well, apparently if you want use the girls bathroom, you need to be 8ft tall and unilegged... those little blue signs can be very misleading. They had a guy working there who had two arms like the caretaker from Scary Movie 2. The kicker? His job was to help people carry shot out to their cars. This dude had brass man, watching him struggle to push a rack full of stuff really made me feel lucky to be made the way I am and really have mad respect for the guy. Unfortunately, these thoughts were quickly pushed away by the thought of how hard it must be to masturbate with arms so short. Which really just made me feel for him more. Heart goes out to you man.
Well, Im calmer now(FUCK!), so we're winding off. Angry, hate, yadda yadda yadda, moonwalkingjesusfuck, etc etc, assbag, and so forth.
Your Brother In Arms
-Brough
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