im gonna be emo for a minute: unemployment, singul
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so right now im in the midst of a low point in life, have been since early january. see, i finally got into the school i wanted for the program i wanted, and it's close enough to commute with a car. however, my car costs $440 a month to insure, which in itself is debauchery and completely asinine, and then there's gas to factor in. Now i had no problem paying that while i had a job, but in early january i was let go from my seasonal position at a nearby HMV.
What cheeses me is that i should've been offered a job at this HMV. All the assistant managers told me that i was the best seasonal employee and that i would probably get the job no problem. I really did work very hard and did all the little things that impress managers. But this manager (who is black) decided to only keep a white blond girl, a black girl, and a black guy. Now, all 3 were great people and my friends, but conspicuously their body types were missing. What i mean is that he hired them because they would fill equal opportunity roles...there weren't any black people, and there was no pretty blond girl working at this HMV. Basically, i feel--scratch that, i KNOW--that he kept them over me for reasons that had nothing to do with job aptitude. So that really pissed me off, and still does. Knowing that i wasn't hired because there were already too many white guys working there really fucking sucks.
Anyways, since then it's been a pretty shite existence for me. The money i had saved ran out at the beginning of February and i've been living off table scraps since. I've been trying hard to get a new job, but all to no avail. My parents somehow picked up this month's insurance bill, but i don't want to put that on them again in March. It's not fair to them and i dont want them to worry and stress over my problems.
Meanwhile, i've found i became pretty lonely. I haven't had a girlfriend in a long time, and it seems like no girl i meet is interested. It comes to the point where i feel sorry for myself and it's really fucking pathetic. I hate wallowing in self-pity, but it keeps happening.
And then adding on to that the first symptoms of alcoholism. I very nearly am addicted to alcohol, not in that i drink listerine 24/7 through my rectum just to get a buzz, but i feel like i *need* to have a drink. I got really drunk 10 days in a row after i turned 19, and i think that's where it started.
No one will probably read this, but it's been kind of therapeutic to rant about it.
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im gonna be emo for a minute: unemployment, singul blog
