You know what's funny about life? We as humans have barely scratched the surface of "life" as an entity, and yet the vast majority of people simply live without having a deep understanding of what it actually means to "live."
I often think about things that have to do with life as a whole, not just my own. The thing that really gets me in my observation of humanity is that no matter how many problems a single person has, it is just one microcosmic speck of dust amongst SIX BILLION others. They're all somehow linked (the Six Degrees of Separation theory) in a (get ready) macro-geopolitical and socioeconomic web. Once you start trying to fathom numbers as high as billions, you sort of lose your own perspective. The human brain simply is not capable of empirically knowing gigantic numbers. Even at numbers such as 500,000, any one of us probably couldn't point to an actual crowd of that multitude and say, "well shit i can just tell by looking at this number of people that it's 500,000." That, in this author's humble opinion, is just not in our realm of palpable knowledge--but i digress.
Our entire specie [and that in itself is a ridiculously intelligent notion; we have created an entire area of study just to biology, and this i find to be overwhelmingly complex] is comprised of roughly six-point-a few billion individual lives, all of which are unique. No two lives are the same. For example, i am...me when i play the guitar. It is a tangible thing that i value more than almost anything in life. I would rather lose both of my legs than my left hand, which some people just can't imagine. A person that isn't interested in the guitar,who is dedicated to something else that might involved heavy use of the legs would think im crazy. Individually people are different but together they form majorities and demographics.
And im not talking about the living being of a person itself, i mean each microcosm of an existence--the mind of each, the conscience of each, in essence. And this consideration of the idea of "life," as it is, comprises an entirely different area of study that humans are capable of. In this regard, humans are completely different than any species on our planet.
Look at the ant. Each ant has a specific purpose to their tiny existence. Contrary to what Pixar might say, the ant doesn't stray from what it exists to do. It carries on through life, living on their own microspocic turf without even a slight hint that they are as miniscule as they are.
Humans, however, have the ability to choose. This has made life both easy (whatever that may mean to you) and profoundly difficult. We are not morally or ethically perfect creatures; therefore we have both an individual conscience and a collective conscience, and are often flawed. We set our own courses through the sociological web, intersecting what is sometimes thousands of other people's lives.
Then what happens when one person dies is a strange thing. Have you ever looked at the person in the casket at any of the funerals you've been to? It's just completely weird to see a dead person that you knew. To see that they have no life is a very profound and difficult thing. I believe that grief is simply the individual conscience missing a piece of the collective conscience. No human being that is alive knows what is to be dead--try to imagine not living. You can't. Death is many things to many people, but i think that anyone on the planet who lost someone close to them has sensed grief and that is the common denominator amongst all of us.
On a final note, i dont claim to be any sort of expert in these kinds of studies. But i find them interesting and posit my theories of life and ramblings anyways. For the longest time i've also thought blogs are completely gay but whatever, i honestly think i could write a fucking book about this kind of stuff.
i know there are retards on the internet, but this guy takes the cake. It's like he actually believes his own bullshit, which isn't even his bullshit, it's the bullshit that other people have come up with and he adapts it as his own bullshit. I dont know why this fucking faggot gets on my nerves so much, i know i really shouldn't care considering it's the internet and all, but there's just something about him that makes me facepalm every time he posts. There are just so many things retarded about him that it would take a fucking novel to outline them all.
On top of that now he's got me banned. Congratulations you fucking scrotum swisher you really showed me. Can't handle it when people call you out, so you act like a self-righteous goody fucking two shoes and report people for calling you on your bullshit. Im almost positive he's going to jack off once he gets a raging nerd boner from seeing im banned.
Are hate blogs even allowed? I dont know. I dont really care right now. Liberation is the kind of sack of fucking ejaculation that nobody in real life listens to or likes so he takes his garbage ideas and retard philosophies and opinions to the internet, where instead of finding refuge behind a faceless pseudo-persona like he hopes, he gets lambasted even more because HES JUST SO FUCKING STUPID.
im gonna be emo for a minute: unemployment, singul
so right now im in the midst of a low point in life, have been since early january. see, i finally got into the school i wanted for the program i wanted, and it's close enough to commute with a car. however, my car costs $440 a month to insure, which in itself is debauchery and completely asinine, and then there's gas to factor in. Now i had no problem paying that while i had a job, but in early january i was let go from my seasonal position at a nearby HMV.
What cheeses me is that i should've been offered a job at this HMV. All the assistant managers told me that i was the best seasonal employee and that i would probably get the job no problem. I really did work very hard and did all the little things that impress managers. But this manager (who is black) decided to only keep a white blond girl, a black girl, and a black guy. Now, all 3 were great people and my friends, but conspicuously their body types were missing. What i mean is that he hired them because they would fill equal opportunity roles...there weren't any black people, and there was no pretty blond girl working at this HMV. Basically, i feel--scratch that, i KNOW--that he kept them over me for reasons that had nothing to do with job aptitude. So that really pissed me off, and still does. Knowing that i wasn't hired because there were already too many white guys working there really fucking sucks.
Anyways, since then it's been a pretty shite existence for me. The money i had saved ran out at the beginning of February and i've been living off table scraps since. I've been trying hard to get a new job, but all to no avail. My parents somehow picked up this month's insurance bill, but i don't want to put that on them again in March. It's not fair to them and i dont want them to worry and stress over my problems.
Meanwhile, i've found i became pretty lonely. I haven't had a girlfriend in a long time, and it seems like no girl i meet is interested. It comes to the point where i feel sorry for myself and it's really fucking pathetic. I hate wallowing in self-pity, but it keeps happening.
And then adding on to that the first symptoms of alcoholism. I very nearly am addicted to alcohol, not in that i drink listerine 24/7 through my rectum just to get a buzz, but i feel like i *need* to have a drink. I got really drunk 10 days in a row after i turned 19, and i think that's where it started.
No one will probably read this, but it's been kind of therapeutic to rant about it.
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Ace88's blogs, last updated : March 24, 2009
